Good morning ladies and gentleman. With me and my more than 80,000 disgruntled United employees, we would like to take the time to thank you for flying our depreciating airline. We want you to know that we take our job very seriously and that our labor unions will threaten a strike every quarter the company profits at least $1 Million. While Continental added clean, comfortable and efficient 737s and 757-300s with LiveTv, power connections and internet, chances are that you will now be flying a United Airbus 320 without any of these luxuries. Continental also brought over GE90 powered 777s equipped with a state of the art AVOD (audio video on demand) to the new combined airline, while United added the less efficient Pratt and Whitney powered 777s with a less desirable in-flight product. On the other hand, as part of the new United you will now have the pleasure of flying on one of United's dilapidated 747s on select transpacific flights that range up to 15 hours with no in-flight entertainment whatsoever.
Another part of our restructuring process includes the relocation of our headquarters from Houston to Chicago, which is a more expensive and less business friendly place to conduct business. We know deep down in our hearts that Houston would have been a far cheaper option for the combined airline, but we couldn't let a bunch of cowboys run the world's largest and most comprehensive airline. Plus we owe it to American people to help try and stimulate Obama's hometown economy. So I invite all of you to sit back, relax and enjoy the flight. Welcome Aboard.
Jeff Smisek
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